MONDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2009
Captains log: Stardate 022409
I was in my fruit fly costume with both flyswatters in constant motion, doing some combination of the Muhammad Ali "Rope-A-Dope" dance....Floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee as it were...(In addition to making my best Bruce Lee noises), and killing tons of fruit flies...I had figured out how to strap binoculars to my head so that I could see the little buggers, and set up photography studio lights in the adjoining room to light up the battleground.
Even so, The humans were taking heavy losses...I had broken two fly swatters, a coffee pot had bit the dust...(Collateral damage), and I think the toaster was probably ruined, and several glass wine glasses had been broken... Fruit fly bodies were everywhere...Yet a new squadron of commando fruit flies buzzed me from the pantry...I was determined to infiltrate their ranks and follow them back to their command center.
I was finding that the fruit fly suit, in addition to providing excellent cover, also caused quite a sweat to break out, and so I was satisfied in the knowledge that I was also burning tons of carbs.
I was getting my workout a little late that day, and had forgotten that it was early release day at the high school...Kimmie opened the sliding glass door and saw the carnage in the kitchen, and standing in the middle, was a giant fruit fly twice her size! She immediately deduced that gargantuan fruitfly aliens had landed and were annihilating the only species that could possibly offer resistance to their goal of planetary dominance...You guessed it....The tiny fruit fly.
She grabbed a baseball bat left near the door, and fearing for her life, hurled her 93 pound frame with all her strength against the giant alien fruit fly...Being in the heat of battle, and somewhat distracted (and forgetting momentarily that I was disguised as a giant fruit fly), I was somewhat dumbfounded when I started receiving blows from the baseball bat.
"Kimmie, Kimmie, it's me!" I screamed. And, we eventually got it sorted out, although I did receive a few good lumps on my head, before ripping off my fruit fly mask and putting any doubt as to my identity to rest...
Later that night, we discovered where the fruit flies had been coming from...The had insinuated themselves in an old rotting sack of potatoes...It seems that they lay there eggs where ever they eat (That's just gross! Disgusting creatures!).
So, do you realize what this means? The fruit flies I have been battling for weeks and the carbs that were torturing me Saturday night are working together!!!!!!! It's non other than a FRUIT FLY/CARB CONSPIRACY!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!
I was in my fruit fly costume with both flyswatters in constant motion, doing some combination of the Muhammad Ali "Rope-A-Dope" dance....Floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee as it were...(In addition to making my best Bruce Lee noises), and killing tons of fruit flies...I had figured out how to strap binoculars to my head so that I could see the little buggers, and set up photography studio lights in the adjoining room to light up the battleground.
Even so, The humans were taking heavy losses...I had broken two fly swatters, a coffee pot had bit the dust...(Collateral damage), and I think the toaster was probably ruined, and several glass wine glasses had been broken... Fruit fly bodies were everywhere...Yet a new squadron of commando fruit flies buzzed me from the pantry...I was determined to infiltrate their ranks and follow them back to their command center.
I was finding that the fruit fly suit, in addition to providing excellent cover, also caused quite a sweat to break out, and so I was satisfied in the knowledge that I was also burning tons of carbs.
I was getting my workout a little late that day, and had forgotten that it was early release day at the high school...Kimmie opened the sliding glass door and saw the carnage in the kitchen, and standing in the middle, was a giant fruit fly twice her size! She immediately deduced that gargantuan fruitfly aliens had landed and were annihilating the only species that could possibly offer resistance to their goal of planetary dominance...You guessed it....The tiny fruit fly.
She grabbed a baseball bat left near the door, and fearing for her life, hurled her 93 pound frame with all her strength against the giant alien fruit fly...Being in the heat of battle, and somewhat distracted (and forgetting momentarily that I was disguised as a giant fruit fly), I was somewhat dumbfounded when I started receiving blows from the baseball bat.
"Kimmie, Kimmie, it's me!" I screamed. And, we eventually got it sorted out, although I did receive a few good lumps on my head, before ripping off my fruit fly mask and putting any doubt as to my identity to rest...
Later that night, we discovered where the fruit flies had been coming from...The had insinuated themselves in an old rotting sack of potatoes...It seems that they lay there eggs where ever they eat (That's just gross! Disgusting creatures!).
So, do you realize what this means? The fruit flies I have been battling for weeks and the carbs that were torturing me Saturday night are working together!!!!!!! It's non other than a FRUIT FLY/CARB CONSPIRACY!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!
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